krbear104's Xanga

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 04:56:41 GMT

Every year, I make a resolution to stop putting my efforts into friendships that don't really exist anymore, and to stop letting people walk all over me. Then every year I am thoroughly disappointed in myself for not living up to my resolutions, and then feel worse in thinking that I am doing something wrong to make people treat me this way.

I've finally come to realize, there are just a lot of selfish / careless / ignorant / not-so-good people in the world, and THAT is not my fault. I can't change their ways, but where I go wrong is that I keep holding onto them in hopes that I will find a way to change them into a real friend.

At my current job, I've found some of the most real and true friends I've ever had. Perhaps I've altered how I go about forming friendships, and that's the only reason. But really I think there are just a lot of "crappy friends" out there, and some "really true friends," and it's just a matter of whether you settle for the mediocre ones. I'm done settling, or I realized I will never ever be happy. I know I always seem to be complaining about something, and I think this is a big reason why. If I keep people around that aren't really friends to me, I'm going to keep getting hurt and ditched by my "friends." But I've found a bunch of amazing people at work, and I'm just going to try and focus on that.

I guess this just isn't my year...

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 05:22:46 GMT

I was really pushing for a good year, since the last 2 were horrendous overall. But so far:

-An amazing person died (way before he should have)
-My grandma doesn't know who I am 9 times out of 10
-I've had a cold every month so far (ugh)
-I've had the flu twice (I never get the flu!)
-I've had 5 migraines
-I found out I did NOT get accepted into the Dental Hygiene program for Fall semester
-I put $10,000 into my IRA accounts... and have lost almost all of it already (can we say RECESSION?!)
-I got my first speeding ticket, on a road trip to MO (17mph over!)
-People have stolen 6 of my food items at work, despite the name labels
-After never ever breaking a retractable lanyard (the kind for ID badges), I broke 3 in a week!!!
-Without health insurance, I had to get immunizations, booster shots, TB tests, and blood work
-Without dental insurance, I just had a filling come out! grrrr

I know there's more, but those are the highlights. It seems like whenever I really strive to be positive, it all comes crashing down in my face. Can I please have some good luck now?!

another song I wrote

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:07:02 GMT

Verse 1
Do you know that I see you
Every time you pass me by?
I've gotten so good at hiding it,
But I see everything
Out the corner of my eye.
As the hour passes I listen
For the sound of your approaching voice.
As it nears, I try to focus--
To seem indifferent,
But I just want to rejoice.

Chorus
I'm already hooked--
Can't you see?
You keep taking the
Breath out of me.
I'm infatuated--
I'm spinning fast,
Waiting to fall
Into your arms at last.

Verse 2
Do you know I think about you
In the middle of the night?
The sweetest dreams I ever had,
So some of it
Just has to turn out right.
As a new day breaks I wait
For the bittersweet reality
To wake me from my happiness
And bring new hope
In all of its entirety.

Chorus
I'm already hooked--
Can't you see?
You keep taking the
Breath out of me.
Intoxication--
Spinning so fast,
Waiting to fall
Into your arms at last.

-K.K.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:11:41 GMT

I think I have decided to be done with xanga... I have 3 journals and it's just kind of pointless to me now.

I made a new one before I decided to stop xanga, and I was just going to put my poems and songs in it that I write. So far I've just put two poems in there, but I'm sure I'll blog in it too. So feel free to read that blog, or not. And maybe I will still update this once in awhile.

Here's my new blog:

http://apathyindreams.blogspot.com/

Enjoy.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 03:36:07 GMT

Somehow, I"m doing really good in school. As most of you know, I skipped more classes than I actually went to at Whitewater. But now, a 45 minute drive to school has seemed to curb that habit.

I am currently at about a 99% in Microbiology and also in Biochemistry.

I'm at 100% in Native American Literature (I would hope so, since I have an English/Writing degree!)

And.......

I am at 100% in Economics!!!! Seriously, that stuff always goes right over my head, and what seems "so easy" to most gets me completely confused. Yet, I am doing the best out of the other students, and he makes it understandable.

So yay! The only drawback is that I still feel like I have no social life since I work full time (which is also 45 minutes from home, and about 6 blocks from school). For 6 days a week I work/have school, and my only days off every week are Tuesday. The only problem is I have soooo much homework and only 1 day to get it all done and study, so I literally never have time for friends or to just relax. And this is only my first semester! (Well technically I started in summer, since I took 7 credits then).

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:42:05 GMT

I am tired of certain people treating me like some naive girl lost in her own problems. I AM NOT AN IDIOT!

Basically, I have certain friends who regularly ditch me for certain people, and make up different lies each time. But they forget I talk to other people who they don't lie to, so I find out (I don't even ask!) where they really were anyway. Is it that much to ask to have people tell me the truth for once? Well, apparently so.

I am sorry I work 6 days a week and go to work when you get off of work. So when we plan a day to hang out and they promise me to keep that day open (at least part of it) for me, obviously I will get aggravated after the THIRD week in a row of them ditching me! And it's always last second, so that no one else is even around to make plans with...

Which leads me to my other issue. This past year or so, all my close friends are suddenly too busy, at least for me. I will see endless facebook posts, etc talking about hanging out with others, even picture albums posted online of weekly, some with daily "outings' with friends... and yet they keep telling me they are too busy for ANYONE at all. Right. And the best part is when certain people keep telling me "well, can't you call in sick one day at work so we can hang out?" Um no, sorry, but I always have this day off, so what about hanging out on this day some week? "Oh, well I'll probably be hanging out with my boyfriend. Sorry."

I am sorry too. Sorry that as a usually single (and contently so) friend I automatically get put on the backburner to every "taken" friend. Don't get me wrong, I am all about them spending sufficient time with their new boyfriends/girlfriends at the beginning, but if you can make time for them 7 days a week, you sure as hell can make time for me 1 day in 6 months, for a few *#%$^ hours. I am so sick of my close friends doing this to me. I literally have no one to hang out with anymore because all my close friends have basically done this to me, and the rest are just too busy with work/school, or our schedules conflict. I honestly am starting to feel like I have no friends left. :( (And the one good friend who hasn't "abandoned" me lives far far away)

moving...sucks

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:52:49 GMT

I never thought finding an apartment with a friend would be so stressful.

My friend basically wants to live in only 2 cities... Bay View or St. Francis. That's fine, but it really narrows our search.

And I have a lot of bedroom furniture stuff and clothes, so I can only squeeze into a bedroom that is so small. He doesn't have a lot of stuff so space isn't an issue for him at all, which makes him get frustrated with me for needing adequate bedroom space for my stuff.

He is now looking more at duplexes, whereas I would rather just have an apartment. Stuff (usually) gets fixed quicker, you don't have random problems that you get with duplexes (since they're usually really old houses, you get more problems) and then parking isn't an issue at all. Plus, you generally get a pool :), and more utilities paid for.

He is on a tight budget, which makes this really difficult. If he were willing to live in more cities, it might be a bit easier. And, we basically need to move by September 1st because of our chaotic school/work schedules, so I am just getting ridiculously stressed about all this stuff, when I should be able to enjoy my last month of summer. sigh.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Wed, 14 May 2008 16:15:51 GMT

I don't know what the sudden fixation is, but I really want hair extensions.

They're super expensive though, and I read you're not really supposed to use a flat iron or curling iron on synthetic hair, so you'd need to buy real hair which is a lot more expensive.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 02:28:35 GMT

Have I ever mentioned that I hate interviews?

Well, I HATE INTERVIEWS!

I've never had a "real" interview, and the one I had at Blockbuster went terrible looking back. I wouldn't have even hired me! So I had one Thursday where I had to wear a real interview suit and research the company and all that, and I was terrified! I practiced answers a ton, but stumbled my way through every answer, saying "um" a lot. And I'm an English writing major! So I'm sure I looked like a big idiot. Then they told me the position was for 1st shift (hadn't mentioned it to me before or put it in the job post!), so it won't work around my school schedule.

I have an interview tomorrow downtown, but the job pays less than I wanted and I have to pay $3 a day for parking and walk across a super busy street to get to work. Not super exciting for me. I don't even want to go to the interview now, I've decided not to research the company because I just don't care anymore. This is my 18th week in a row of applying for jobs and looking for job posts that fit my qualifications and are flexible enough for school. I'M NOT FINDING ANYTHING!

I have no health insurance, so I wanted a FT job that was flexible, but I'm not qualified for any of those jobs (most are medical receptionists), so I either have to go back to Blockbuster or settle for some okay job in downtown Milw. that's at least close to school, but pay a ton for gas and parking.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:54:18 GMT

Almost every time I shut off my car now, the key is completely stuck. I have to turn the key back and forth 5 - 10 times until it finally sits in the exact position where it decides to come out.

It happened occasionally for the last 3 weeks, but this week it's been happening almost every time. GRRRR I never had this kind of problem, and my car is only 2 1/2 years old. Thanks a lot GM! No wonder you shipped MY JOB to KOKOMO, MEXICO!!!